Every week I think of quitting. thre is so much work to do at UCI. I don’t understand something and instead of spending time on it I’m going to skip class again. There would be so much more time, so much more sleep, so much less stress if i just quit now. Life would be so much easier.
But to never wear my uniform again? Never stand with my flight and know i was part of something more? Never chant about the beauty of the skies while running til i drop? Never again see a hard ass captain pelt a kid with a dodgeball? Life without it all seems so empty goalless, lackluster, unexciting, and even lonely. Only a few people look to the sky when they hear a roar, only a few feel the rush when they think of soaring high above everything else. Even fewer appreciate the beauty in a hunk of metal with rockets strapped to it.
And I’m getting better. A quarter ago I floundered and stressed through a leadership position. i raised my hand for team captain desperately hoping I wouldn’t actually win. Now I wonder what I can do to deserve the privildge of leading my girls. I’ve learned leading isn’t just a gift, its a skill, and a skill i could get good at given enough practice. I learned all that in a quarter, what might I learn in another? two? a year? As i am now the idea of leading a flight scares the crap out of me. Being in cahrge of a job in the detatchment and making a mess of it worries me to no end. But if i focus on how far I have come, being confident in those roles doesn’t seem like such an impossible goal. and I will never know if I quit. Never know who I could have been. It’s only four years of service. Four years in one of the greatest institutions on the planet. Four years isn’t so much to pay for a life of wisdom and confidence is it? Only four years to live the rest as the person, correction, leader they will make me. I could accomplish so much as that person.
Okay game plan time. Firstly don’t believe only rowing is good enough. Crew makes you elite, fit, determined, it builds you body and mine. But the Air Force is what will set you apart, it makes you honorable, gives you integrity, holds you to a higher goal than just winning a race. It creates your character, morals, and ideals then hammers them in until they become part of you. Crew can do the opposite, remember the balance.
If you really want this you need to show it. If you want to be all you can be do your work, read your DnC, WANT to learn it now, not just eventually. Practice as much as you wish you could for crew. Can’t row? Practice facing movements. Crew killing you slowly? pour the anger into ROTC. There is nothing you can’t succeed at if you put your effort into it. And when your motivation drops and its getting hard to care, remember the feeling from closing formation and the power in those words:
STRONG PROUD FREE SIR!